The tougher side of friendship

Friends are great - they bring us joy, love, support, fun and happiness when things are great, and tears, tea and sympathy when things are bad.
They're like a comfort blanket - they're there no matter what. They have to be. It's in the job description. We see it all the time - it's there in the soaps. Denise and Zainab always make up in Eastenders, as do Blair and Serena in Gossip Girl. There's countless films based on enduring friendship against all the odds. And where do we start with literature - how many novels have been written about this wonderful thing.
It's such a strong, great thing, that people marvel at it, want to re-tell it, want to show how fabulous it can be.
But when we love our friends, when we want to protect them, keep them safe, and stop any harm from coming to them, it's not always as easy a task as it sounds.
What do we do when they make decisions we think are wrong? When they go for that person we think is a mistake? When they do things we think are below them?
They say honesty is the best policy, but is it always? Maybe there's a time to hold your tongue, to take a step back. Almost like a parent has to (so I'm told!) when they know their child is about to do something they will regret.
At the ripe old age of 30, I've heard more than one person espouse?? the benefits of "saying what they think". According to some it's acceptable - courageous even - to say what you like, to tell people the "truth" about themselves, their loved ones, they lives, regardless of the consequences. It's the right thing to do.
Well, perhaps it is. What I'm not saying is that people should never have an opinion, that they should never observe, judge, even criticise. We all need that - some of the toughest, and most beneficial conversations I have had with my dearest friends have involved difficult moments of home truths, criticisms, and observations I perhaps didn't want to hear.
But is that license for someone to say what they want? To glibly steamroller through our sensibilities because they want to give their opinion. I don't think so.
Part of friendship is finding ways to say something that you think could help someone, whether they want it or not, but part of it is knowing when they just need to find out for themselves. Of watching what would be a bad move, and being there to pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong, with nothing but support and love.
As a child it was simplified to: "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," but perhaps as an adult it's not quite so black and white.
One useful piece of advice is this: "A person is master to those words they don't say, and slave to the ones they do".
Put even more simply in another quotable quote: "Be careful with your words. Once they're said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten."
A salutary lesson to all of us, methinks....